Everquest just isn't fun right now. I've managed to level my way up to 47 with Narsse but that just means I am totally dependent on grouping. It is almost impossible for me to solo at this level. I don't care how fast I level when soloing. I just like the anticipation and rush from narrowly managing to kill something that no one else would bother doing with a rogue. Unfortunately, soloing is now an exercise in the experience bar moving backwards. I died at least five or six times in level 45 trying to solo. In fact I died enough to lose almost a full bubble back into level 44. Then Greg and I got together and got me close to level 47. I soloed the last blue or so and have now died twice in 47. This just isn't fun.

In fact the second death occurred just a few minutes ago. I love getting my ass handed to me by a magic user 10 levels below me. There is something inherently stupid and unbalancing in the game when any magic using class can slaughter any non-magic using class. If it was a melee character 10 levels below me I could easily have killed it. In fact I could probably have killed two melee characters at once that were 10 levels below me. A single magic user spells death every time though. This is one of the stupidest design decisions in Everquest. It has been this way since the game was released. I don't know why I persist in playing a game that was so poorly designed.

I did end up picking up a second computer monitor so I could play two characters at once. I've only done it for a little bit so far but it does seem eminently doable if a little confusing. All I really want to do is wander around killing things with my rogue. As I mentioned above though that has become pretty much impossible. Hence I'm forced to try something new like playing the ranger and druid at the same time. So far it seems more like work than fun to run both characters at once unfortunately.

The biggest problem is that I play Everquest like I play real life. I don't hang out with large groups of people and don't often need help from anyone with anything. Self-sufficiency is far more admirable than requiring assistance from people around you. Unfortunately this doesn't translate well to Everquest. The design of Everquest is to have fatal flaws in some character classes in order to make them totally dependent on other classes. This grates against my nature which is why I've so patiently avoided it. I don't want to have to group with others in order to play the game. I don't want to have to belong to a guild or have an extensive network of friends to accomplish anything of import in the game. I don't need these things to accomplish my goals in real life. Why should I need them in a mere game? I don't make friends easily. I don't care for large crowds of people.

One of my fatal character flaws is my pride. No one, and I mean no one, has the right to decide my worth. For example when you ask someone out you are granting them the power to decide whether or not you are worthy. I don't ask women out because I will not put this power in another person's hands. In my mind there's no difference between this and applying for a guild or answering a call for an experience group. If I won't even allow people in real life to decide my worth then why would I ever possibly grant someone that same power in a computer game? I would say I'm really not social enough to be playing Everquest.